This is the piece where we had to write a character getting ready for a date.
Wendy looks at the clock. 7:14. She rolls her eyes before rummaging through her wardrode. She notices a shopping bag from a chain store on the bed. Wendy opens the card next to it. There is a message saying "I can’t wait to see you. This way I get to see more of you. Gerald.” Wendy hesitates before she opens the bag. Her face screws up as she pulls out a skimpy black dress that doesn’t leave much to the imagination. Wendy balls up the dress and hurls it across the room before kicking the corner of her bed repeatedly. Suddenly her eyes light up and she gives an evil smile. We see flashes of Wendy getting ready – she pulls on boots, putting her hair up, and putting on make-up. Cut to the door opening on Gerald. His smug smile switches to an open mouthed gasp. Wendy stands in the door frame wearing ugg boots, tracksuit pants and an XL T-Shirt that says “I’m with stupid.” Her hair is in a messy ponytail at the very top of her head and her make up would look overdone on a transvestite. She leans on the door frame, head titled, arms crossed.
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This is pretty good- I really like the image of Wendy standing in front of Gerald just looking a hot mess on purpose. The one thing I would stress is that the 'we see' and 'cut to' type of remarks are unnecessary, and something that is a really big no-no in screenwriting. I'm not saying that you can't lead the director/cinematographer into shooting the scene like this, but it has to be subtler. The way I would write it would be:
ReplyDelete"Wendy starts to get ready: She pulls on a pair of boots. She puts her hair up. She does her make-up. (by writing each action on short and separate line, it creates the rhythm you're looking for, as well as breaking each action into a separate 'shot.')
Ext. Gerald's Place - Night?
Gerald opens the door, a smug smile across his face. He looks at Wendy and the smile turns into an open-mouthed gasp. Wendy stands in the door frame wearing Ugg boots, tracksuit pants and a XL t-shirt that declares "I'm with stupid."
If you really want to you CAN write it as a montage sequence (declaring MONTAGE SEQUENCE and then END OF MONTAGE at the beginning and end) but this should really be reserved for longer and more important montages (ex.- the few-minutes-long montages that LOST uses to end many episodes).
-Zach